Snape's back
by potterfowlboy
Summary: This is my first song fic...hope you enjoy it...pls post reviews.


Just Lose It- Eminem (Hogwarts Version)

**(A/N: This song fic has been modified for the Hogwarts Version. Hope you enjoy it.)**

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts." Dumbledore paused, and his face radiated honest joy. "Today we have a special performance for you. Instead of singing the usual school song, today, we are going to have a performance by the Potions Master. I encourage all of you who know this song to join in."

"Performance by Snape?" Ron muttered. "I'd prefer to eat Hippogriff dung."

"How bad can it get?" asked Harry.

Severus Snape walked in. He looked extremely weird, with a monkey cap on and instead of robes, he was wearing a loose jacket and long pants. He looked like one of those punk rappers….rappers? thought Harry.

The lights focused on him.

"Hit it!" he yelled. Professor McGonagall and Flitwick hopped out to the dance floor. Snape began to sing.

"_Ok.._

_Guess who's back?_

_Back again_

_Snape is back_

_Tell a friend_

_Whoaaaaaaaa!"_ he yelled.

"_Now everyone report to the dance floor_

_To the dance floor, to the dance floor_

_Now everyone report to the dance floor_

_Alright Stop!...Pajama time!" _came Flitwick.

_Verse 1_

"_Come here little kiddies, On my lap_

_Guess who's back with a brand new rap?_

_And I don't mean rap as in a new case of child vesticulation accusation_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_No worries, papa's got a brand new bag of toys_

_What else could I possibly do to make noise?_

_I done touched on everything, but little boys," _sang Snape. The lights were dim and everyone was clapping to the beat. All the first years shuddered. "He doesn't touch anything but little boys?" one whispered loudly.

"_That's not a stab at Michael," _he continued.

"_That's just a metaphor, I'm just psycho_

_I go a little bit crazy sometimes_

_I get a little bit out of control with my rhymes,"_ he said. The first years heaved a sigh of relief.

"_Good God, dip, do a little slide_

_Bend down, touch your toes and just glide_

_Up the center of the dance floor_

_Like TP for my bunghole_

_And it's cool if you let one go_

_Nobody's gonna know, who'd hear it?_

_Give a little "poot poot", it's OK!"_

A loud ripping noise shook the students from their fake attention. "What the hell was that?" Ron inquired. "No idea, but smells foul." Replied Harry.

"Dammit, someone just had a somersaulted burp!" shouted Colin Creevey.

"Somersaulted burp?" Hermione asked.

Ron made a face and described it.

"Oh, that," said Hermione. Disagreement was written all over her face. Snape continued to sing, or rap, to the tumultuous applause.

"_Oops my CD just skipped,_

_And everyone just heard you let one rip_

_Now I'm gonna make you dance_

_It's your chance_

_Yeah boy shake them hands_

_Oops I mean girl girl girl girl_

_Girl you know you're my world,"_ he stopped. McGonagall, who had been doing some exaggerated movements with Flitwick, stopped too.

"Here comes the big one," muttered Hagrid.

"_Alright now lose it_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Just lose it_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Go crazy_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Oh baby_

_(HA-HA)_

_Oh baby, baby_

_(HA-HA)," _

"I hate to think what's next. It's completely obsene." Harry said quietly. But his words were lost on the crowd. They were all idol worshipping Snape. It was a good performance. Snape looked just like Eminem, the Muggle rapper….Eminem? Harry thought again. "Of course," Harry said, thinking to himself. "He's acting like the Muggle rapper. I like his songs," said Harry, and knowing what came next, he sang along.

"_It's Friday and it's my day_

_Just to party all the way to Sunday_

_Maybe till Monday, I don't know what day_

_Every day's just a holiday_

_Cruising on the freeway_

_Feeling kind of breezy_

_Got the top down, lettin' my hair blow_

_I don't know where I'm goin'_

_All I know is when I get there_

_Someone's gonna" _He stopped. "Flitwick!" he said with his usual tact. Flitwick, who was waltzing with McGonagall, said,_ "Touch my body…………" _

"Now that, was— " Harry began, but Fred Weasley finished it for him. "Obsene," he said, his voice strut-like. Snape wasn't finished.

"_Excuse me miss, I don't mean to sound like a jerk_

_But I'm feelin' just a little stressed out from work_

_Could you punch me in the stomach and pull my hair?_

_Spit on me, maybe gouge my eyes out? (Yeah)," _he rapped.

"_Now, what's your name girl?_

_What's your sign?"_ he asked Flitwick, instead of McGonagall. Had this been real life, he sure would have been slapped so hard the mark would have remained.

Flitwick began to sing.

_"Man, you must be up out your mind!"_

Snape looked genuinely shocked.

"_FLIT! (HA-HA)_

_Beer Goggles! blind!_

_I'm just trying to unwind !"_he said, shocked

"_Now I'm gonna make you dance_

_It's your chance_

_Yeah boy shake them hands_

_Oops I mean girl girl girl girl_

_Girl you know you're my world_

_Alright now lose it_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Just lose it_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Go crazy_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Oh baby_

_(HA-HA)_

_Oh baby, baby_

_(HA-HA)"_

It's not half bad, thought Ron. He tried to sing it too, with help from Harry.

"_It's Tuesday and I'm locked up_

_I'm in jail and I don't know what happened_

_They say I was running bout' naked_

_Down the street screaming_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Well I'm sorry, I don't remember_

_All I know is this much_

_I'm not guilty_

_They said, "Save it, boy we gotcha you on tape_

_yellin' at an old lady 'touch my body!"_

"That was sick," began Hermione, but soon even she was singing along. It was a contagious song.

"_Now this is the part where the rap breaks down," _sang Snape. "Damn," said Colin again. Snape wasn't done yet, no sir.

"_It gets real intense, no one makes a sound_

_Everything looks like it's 8 Mile now_

_The beat comes back and everybody lose themselves_

_Snap back to reality_

_Look it's B.Rabbit!_

_Yo you signed me up to battle?_

_I'm a grown man!_

_Chubba chubba chubba chubba chubba chubbie_

_I don't have any lines to go right here so, chubba teletubbie!_

_Fella's (WHAT!) Fella's (WHAT!)_

_Grab the left one, make right one jealous (what?)"_ he stopped to let it sink in.

"That wasutterly sick, that was disgusting," said the trio, with the rest of the Hall. Snape found it amusing. "Thank you," he said and he continued.

"_Black girls_

_White girls_

_Skinny girls_

_Fat girls_

_Tall girls_

_Small girls_

_I'm callin' all girls!" _ he said, and at that moment, god knows how many girls from all years ran to him and nearly drowned Snape. Poor Snape choked out the next couple of lines.

"_Everyone report to the dance floor_

_It's your chance for a little romance whore_

_Spell shooting, 'tis not ceasing_

_Just go (HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_It's so appealing'"_, he wheezed. The girls ran back to their seats, disappointed.

"_Now I'm gonna make you dance_

_It's your chance_

_Yeah boy shake that hands_

_Oops I mean girl girl girl girl_

_Girl you know you're my world_

_Alright now lose it_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Just lose it_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Go crazy_

_(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)_

_Oh baby_

_(HA-HA)_

_Oh baby, baby_

_(HA-HA)"_

"_UmMmMmm touch my body_

_UmMmMmm touch my body_

_Ooh boy just touch my body_

_I mean girl just touch my body……….."_ Snape left the sentence hanging…..and the Great Hall clapped appreciatively.

"Thank you very much! I liked the responsive audience." He said, before going back to the teacher's table.

"Now as I was saying," Dumbledore began, "To all the first years, the Forbidden Forest is ……….." he continued.

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other and muttered one sentence.

"That was good."

THE END


End file.
